First off, a question. I've GOT to get this form into the Ukrainian embassy and I'm not sure about 2 of the questions. Since I'm having trouble getting in touch with the embassy, I will ask here. First, it asks from where we entered the USA. Since we flew Kiev<Paris<Salt Lake does that mean I put Kiev or Paris? Then, it asks for an issuing agency on her passport. I can't find this info anywhere on her passport. Help!!
Wow. The last few days have been interesting. At first Ira really enjoyed doing the English program we have on the computer. Now that it's gotten a little harder though, she's decided she doesn't like it. Mom will be working with Little One for school and Ira will just up and go downstairs to play Barbies. When I went down to tell her that this was her school for the time being, she argues and asks why, pouts, comes upstairs, sits at the laptop (which I really need to get back to Mom and Dad....) and closes the thing. You can lead a horse to water, right? *sigh* At least she sat there.
Wednesday we had a MAJOR fight to get her to mutual. And this was even a fun one! It was combined with the YM and they were doing human fooseball (how do you spell that??) She was hiding under her bed, crying and wouldn't come out. When I finally got her out from under there she went to the couch and refused to get off. By this time she was sobbing and saying she doesn't like church. She likes it in Ukraine (though she did clarify that she likes it in the village, NOT in Dnepro where I'd taken her to the branch...LOL) I told her she wasn't IN Ukraine, she was in America and this is what we do. Then I get, "I want Ukraine!" Yeah, well, so do I. But she can't go right now anymore than I can, so this is what we're doing. At this point I was about ready to sit down and cry with her. If Husband hadn't been there ready to take her and we hadn't been so late already, I probably would have. Little One was crying too because she wanted Daddy to stay with her and not me. How cow! I finally gave her the choice of having me or him go with her and she wanted me to. My hair and my clothes were all wet because I'd just gotten back from running and it had been raining, but hey. Whatever. She wouldn't put her tennis shoes on because she was NOT going to play. Again, whatever. Whether or not she played or even had fun was her decision. Going was not. She did refuse to play, but she smiled and laughed at watching the other kids play and was as cheerful as could be when we got home. *rolls eyes*
In other news, she's starting school on Monday. After much thought and prayer I'm really feeling like homeschooling isn't the best for her. At least right now. Maybe there will be a time when I can pull her out again or maybe even do a part-time public school thing, but for now this is what I feel is best for her. We met with the principal of the elementary school yesterday. Age wise, she's in 6th and if she's going to Jr. High in the fall then it will be good for her to get to know some kids first.
She's not happy about this. I don't know how many times I heard yesterday that she doesn't want school. What? She has to do math? Heaven forbid. She likes PE and that's it. Well, sorry kid. You can't have a whole day of PE classes. She's understandably worried about it not being a Russian school. "I don't understand." she keeps telling me. I told her this will help her learn English and that soon she WILL understand. Honestly, I'm expecting a battle like getting her to mutual when it's time for her to go on Monday morning. I'm already planning to wake her up plenty early in order to allow time for such a tantrum.
She's still mean to Little One and has just learned to be a little sneakier about it. Little One does her fair share of being annoying too though. And no. I do NOT want to hear about how kids fight so this is totally normal. Sorry, but the scriptures say to not allow them to fight. I just haven't figured out HOW to apply that yet. :)
Hang in there, I am sure it has to be hard for Ira right now.. and all of you. Remember you were meant to be her Mom. I know that you will know what to do, and that things will eventually fall into place.
ReplyDeleteI know you said that you don't want to hear it, but fighting, arguing, teasing, it IS all normal. We weren't saying that you should ignore it or that it was just fine. We were letting you know that it is to be expected, that nothing is abnormal or unusual with what is happening, not to stress about it. That doesn't mean that it's not annoying or frustrating either, because it is. It's just normal for different personalities and different ages, genders, cultures to have differences. Now, if Ira starts tying up Little One or holds a knife to her throat, definitely not normal. Time to freak out:) The scriptures say parents are to teach their children to be peaceful, to love and to serve one another (implying to me that it is a l.o.n.g. process) That's why we have families, full of differences, so that we get plenty of practice learning to be peaceful-also why we have them for eternity because it may take that long to teach it. haha. I think you will love having Ira in school. It'll give you your time with Little One and Ira a chance to have her new family and home be her place of refuge. Based on my experience with Danny, I'd say that getting her to mutual and having her laugh and watch the other kids is a magnificent success:) You are obviously doing a lot of things right! You can do it!! Keep it up:)
ReplyDeleteWow, lots of big adjustments...it would be tough to suddenly be the parent of an almost-teenager, even without the cultural/language barriers.
ReplyDeleteMy kids fight a lot too, and you know how little they still are! It's a constant 3 way battle between siblings and mom, but like you I feel strongly that fighting should not go uncorrected. Good luck with that!
Jeni - My mom said to pass on something. "Good for you. There are way too many people who seem to think fighting is normal so they just let it go and don't do something about. Think Lord of the Flies. What's the point of families if no one teaches them any better?" She also said keep up the good work and you are a mother she can admire. :) I agree with her. :)
ReplyDeleteAnne - Thank you. :)
Steph - Thank you as well. I wasn't talking about people that actually do something about it when their kids fight. I've just heard way too many of the "boys will be boys" kind of thing as they sit there and don't do a stinkin' thing about it. Of COURSE boys will be boys if there are no men around to show them any different! And that applies to women/girls as well. *stepping off soap box*
The boys will be boys line bugs. X vandalized Z's house, was caught and X's mom says boys will be boys. The kid was 9 at the time. Yikes. I love the comment too about you being meant to be Ira's mom. So true. Keep posting this stuff so I have an idea what to expect in a couple months...
ReplyDeleteI think you made the right call, putting her in public school. Especially if she's giving you fits about studying already.
ReplyDeleteGosh. The tears and hiding under the bed? Been there. Done that. After changing Alex's room around he discovered a little place behind the slanted wall and his bed that he can hide in. He's thrilled about it. We were able to verbalize that hiding in small places makes him feel safe? Not sure why, just knows he loves it. Under the bed sounds more like hiding but maybe it makes her feel safe too?
School might be overwhelming. I know with Alex coming in the end of April, he just went partial days through the school year and then full time the following fall.
And yep, kids fight but like you and Steph, I don't let it go unnoticed. It's hard for these kids to realize that there is enough love for both of them in your heart. Alex was always trying to point out others faults and his perfection. There are days I know he wishes he was an only child but he has learned that being mean, only gets immediate consequences and unhappiness for him and me. He is so much better now.
Hang in there. Keep running. Let us know how school goes.....
I am with you with the not allowing them to fight. If you have to separate them a lot, do it. If you have to make them work or spend time together while you intervene and teach them what is and isn't appropriate behavior...do it. It will be good for Ira to leave for school so you can have time with little one and you will be utterly amazed at how quickly she will pick up English when there are kids her age speaking it all around her. Don't take anything personally that she says about going back to Ukraine. After a few long weeks she will be a whole new young lady. Stay Strong :)
ReplyDeleteChristy